We had a reader ask us to provide some info on why it seems that we have ruled out “the possibility of heterosexual marriage,” so I thought I’d give a brief elaboration on my own thoughts. They aren’t particularly new, and I’m sure you could copy/paste various sections from my other posts to say what I’m about to say, but it might be nice to have it in one place.
The short answer is, I haven’t ruled out the possibility of heterosexual marriage. I simply cannot disregard the many accounts of men or women who are exclusively attracted to the same sex living in happy marriages with people who are aware of that reality. You can read about one here. It’s been floating around the internet for a few days.
So it’s totally possible for some people to have a committed, fulfilling, sexually satisfying marriage even without a change in their orientation. For me, though, it doesn’t seem likely at the moment. I don’t think I really have to, or even can, explain at length why it doesn’t. It’s just that, with women, there isn’t the same depth of emotional resonance, the same sense of desire and longing, or the same confidence that I could be desirable myself.
Obviously those things don’t compose the whole of marriage, or even most of it, but they’re certainly not unimportant. And as I am increasingly growing into a brighter and more correct understanding of the blessing of singleness, the burning drive to get married, to do whatever it would take to overcome the lack of, you know, all that good stuff, just doesn’t seem to be there. This doesn’t mean I feel particularly gifted for singleness (when does the “burning with passion” stop, again?), but it is definitely no longer the death sentence for my ability to experience happiness.
So I don’t see myself as having given up on the possibility of heterosexual marriage, I just think I’m being realistic and theologically consistent. It’s not inconceivable to me; I have found some women physically appealing. But it’s rare and lacks the, I don’t know, gripping, arresting, mysterious quality of my attraction to men.
And let’s be honest here, there’s no way I’d give my fiancé full aesthetic control of the wedding. I have opinions too, dangit! “You’ve been dreaming of this day since you were in your mother’s womb? That’s nice. Doesn’t make orange any less tacky.” We’d never make it to the altar; our lovely, maroon-bedecked altar.
I hope that clarified things a bit. I’m trying not to think too much about the future, about what “might be” for my sexuality. I’m focusing on developing a daily faithfulness and sense of contentment. Lord knows it’s taken me a while to get here, with so much further to go.
P.S. Feel free to continue suggesting topics to us, or to simply email us with questions. We love hearing from y’all.
 My deepest apologies to anyone who featured orange prominently at their wedding.