Hey, it’s Jordan.
Couple things: We had a reader ask if we could officially give y’all permission to share/translate/quote/turn-into-fine-art anything that we write so long as you credit us. We weren’t even aware we had the power to stop you. I’m still not sure we ever did. But, uh, make it so. Either way, if anyone was afraid the internet police would punish them for quoting us or something, rest assured – you are not in danger of being forced to watch Rebecca Black’s “Friday” on repeat until you pay the $50,000 copyright infringement fine. You may praise our magnanimity later.
On a more personal note, I have a big favor to ask. The time has come. This week is the week I finally tell my family that I’m gay. Lord knows they should have figured it out this summer, with the v-necks, skinny jeans, maroon keffiyeh, and awkward facial expressions when they ask me about girls. But no. Despite all of that (and surely repressed memories of stumbling upon some Google searches of very questionable character) they are giving no indication of having read the writing on the wall.
So I’m going to read it to them. I’m not worried, but I am nervous. We aren’t one of those families that have deep, meaningful conversations…ever. But hey, change has gotta start somewhere, right? I vacillate between feeling invincible and feeling, well, very very vincible.
I’ll let you know how it all goes down. If it’s anything like my imagination, then I’m doomed:
“Heyyyy, family of mine, thanks for playing Scrabble with me hahaha. Ha. Haaa, yea, I sure had a gay time playi– what? Gay? Did someone say…? Aaaahhhahaha, that’s weird. Uhhh, haha, heyyy funny thing about being gay. Which I am. No, not happy. Well, I am happy. But I’m gay too. The other gay. ELTON FREAKING JOHN GAY!! WHO IS SHOUTI– oops sorry haha got confused. Mom, stop crying! GAH it is hot in here! I have to go to the bathroom now!” And then I run up into my room and throw myself into my desk chair and probably refresh Facebook and watch funny cat videos till I pass out from hyperventilation.
Sorry, I got carried away. Honestly, I expect my family will be fine. A little freaked out, for sure, but very loving and very gracious. My mom will definitely cry, though. That’s all. Thanks for the prayers.